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20 years though 20 years I know 20 years of marriage together for 23 Wow yo hard 13 no 13 is good now me and Jada is fine Ruby Dee died a few years ago on her and Essie Davis have been together for 50 years so Jada, and I was struggling hard, so we went to go talk to Ruby Dee, so we sit down and Ruby she's just you know when people have that look like when they just you just understand they get life they got it you don't know what it is, but you can just see the look where they got it Ruby got that look, and she's sitting so Ruby Turner returns to Jada, and she said how long do you know him and Jada said at the time it was 17 you said I've known him for 17 years Ruby says 17 yeah you don't even know him yet right she said just relax and that was her whole advice she's like you don't even know him yet, and it was like the idea that 17 years you don't even know him yet and that is so deeply true it's like as much as marriage as a relationship commitment it really is a singular commitment to yourself that you are going to use your marriage to develop yourself right marriage demands that you be the best version of you where it ain't gonna work right, so you know that she know Ruby really locked us into that space where Jada and I realized that we were on individual journeys we were both trying to force a marriage when actually you know the know you think of us in terms of a seed and soil are they married right is a seed it's not married to the soil it's just growing together both doing what they were designed to do and me and Jada sort of found ourselves into that space where we don't even we don't even say we're married, and we refer to ourselves as life partners right where you get into that space when you realize you are literally with somebody for the rest of your life there are no deal-breakers there's nothing she could do ever nothing that would break our relationship she has my support till death you're not I mean, and it feels so good to get to that space where you're not complaining and worrying and demanding that a person be a certain thing to sort of satiate your ego deficiencies you know you're not demanding that somebody be a certain thing, so you feel better about yourself you know, and we've sort of come into this really beautiful place she said a couple of months ago she said you know what people think love is red it's not it's blue it's like water it's not like fire right, and I was like, but it's just such a deep concept, and you know coming in into that space this I've never been happier, and I hate using the word happy because it really doesn't describe what I am it's like happiness is peace it's not pleasure right and everybody thinks happiness is trying to get as much pleasure as you can get there is nothing more agitating to your mind than extreme pleasure right it's like peace and if I just come into that beautiful state of needless NASA you really don't need nothing you know, and I'm just I'm ecstatic you know and in the...
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